DOOMSTADT - Latveria has survived foreign invasions, civil war, and superhero attacks and has still endured. However, the global economic slowdown has affected the isolated and oppressive Eastern European state in a profound way, resulting in unemployment and mass liquidations. More mass liquidations than normal, anyway.

Latveria is run with an iron hand by Dr. Victor Von Doom, monarch for life, who personally oversees all aspects of the government and has appointed himself head of all public ministries, with the exception of The Ministry of Sanitation. Somebody else runs that.

The International Monetary Fund says it will be difficult for Latveria to avoid a sharp economic slowdown as the isolated country deals with a European tech sector collapse, weak consumer demand, the global credit crisis, and the aftermath of the so-called "secret invasion" of Earth by the shape-shifting Skrull, which has severely shaken investor confidence in financial institutions and governments.

"Nobody wants to do business with Skrulls," says IMF's Peter Osgood.

A combination of rising energy and food prices and increased tariffs on death rays and combat robots has led to a rapid rise in inflation, which reached 17 per cent in July 2008, the highest in Europe. With monetary policy constrained by the fixed exchange rate target, Von Doom has few means to address inflation aside from mass executions and imprisoning intellectuals, the traditional tactic of Latverian rulers for nearly all domestic issues.

Despite the rosy rhetoric coming from Doomstadt, experts agree that Latveria faces a raft of economic difficulties. Higher oil and food prices have squeezed the income of Latveria's tiny middle class. The downturn in the technology sector is hurting Latverian industry, drying up the market for the country's high-tech armaments and death-dealing robots. Purchase orders for the new generation Doombot XE have been 23% under projections.

In practical terms, many Latverians have been unaffected by the economic troubles. The majority of the Latverian population are superstitious gypsy peasants who operate in an unofficial barter economy and subsist off a diet of boiled shrubs, alpine rodents, and rock soup. Those bearing the brunt of the financial crisis are members of the Latverian aristocracy as well as government ministries, who have seen their budgets slashed by as much as 65%.

Fortunately, unemployed government workers have not been a strain on Latveria's scant entitlement programs, as most laid-off employees are liquidated and used as bio-fuel.

Von Doom has cancelled several programs, including the mysteriously named "Weather Control Satellite" and the so-called "Tunnel to Hell" public works project deep under the Latverian Alps, which analysts believe is either a geo-thermal power project or a means for invading the hellish underworld of the demonic entity Mephisto. Regardless of its true purpose, the program has been mothballed. The despotic Von Doom, who has presided over the construction of over 24 neo-Gothic castles in the past two decades, has ordered work stopped on Doomsturm, his latest multi-million euro public works project (pictured).

The masked dictator of Latveria has been uncommonly laconic regarding his country's financial condition, but during a visit to the United Nations in November 2008, Von Doom explained the root of the global financial crisis with one word: "Richards."

The Latverians seem to be willing to acknowledge that there is a crisis, a departure from their usual modus operandi. In a rare public statement, the Latverian government addressed its unique economic challenges before reporters this week at the annual meeting of the EEK (Eastern European Koalition) in Brussels, Belgium.

"Currently the sovereign nation of Latveria is reassessing its long-term economic policies and evaluating the efficacy of our institutions," said Hans Von Reichert, spokesperson for the Latverian Ministry of Economic Domination. "We realize that we are not immune to the global economic downturn and... and..."

At this point Mr. Von Reichert clutched his temples, screamed in pain, and collapsed into a twitching mass behind the podium.

"The economy of Latveria is solid, and the genius of Doom will shelter our great nation from any economic problems," said Maximillian Schechter, the new spokesperson for the Latverian Ministry of Economic Domination five minutes later.

"Hail Doom," he added hastily.

This entry was posted by David Campbell, on Thursday, January 22, 2009. You can leave your response.