Happy New Year from The Society for the Advancement of Dave!

Everyone here on the S.A.D. team - from the production and research staff to our interns to our bunker security specialists to our komodo dragon handlers all wish you and your family a prosperous and happy 2009.

Make the most of this new year, friends, because according to Mayan prophecy the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012. The verdict is still out on exactly how the Mayan doomsday will come to pass. Meteor strike? Yellowstone super volcano? Manmade black hole? Superflu? There are so many fun and exciting ways the world can end, it's hard to pick a favorite.

I'll be honest with you, I've never been too freaked out about the end of the world. What are the odds that it will happen on my watch? And how would Death by Meteor be any worse than Death by Auto Accident? I mean, both scenarios end up the same way: you, dead.

I suppose the tragedy of watching our species get squeegeed from the face of the earth by some cataclysm would be be traumatic. Knowing that your kids or your grandkids or entire generations of humanity won't carry on after you die is a bit of a bummer, true. But let's face it, most people are self-absorbed and are only interested in the here-and-now and don't give a lot of thought to the legacy of mankind. If we were all a little more far sighted, I imagine we wouldn't be plagued by a lot of the environmental, economic, and political issues that we have today. But we're not. I'm not dissing mankind; I'm as just as big of a self-obsessed wanker as the rest of the planet. Bigger, even.

Man, where am I going with all this? I confess, as a New Year's Eve present I bought myself a bottle of Glenlivet single malt Scotch which I've really been enjoying this evening, and it's kind of affecting my cognitive functions and writing ability in a pleasant way.

Anyway, I guess my point is that when each of us die, it's a little tiny armageddon, a micro-apocalypse. At that moment of death, for all purposes the world is effectively coming to an end. Sometimes we see death coming, like a meteor shooting towards us from deep space. Sometimes it's over before we know it, like a busload of Japanese tourists at Old Faithful when the Yellowstone Caldera explodes. And sometimes death is a long, protracted struggle against the inevitable, like when you try to escape from the hordes of zombies ravaging the globe by heading north into the Arctic Circle and end up starving/freezing to death over the course of weeks instead of a quick, violent death by undead. However you slice it or serve it, the death of self = death of the world.

So relax!

That's what I say. Sure, the world may get murdered on December 21, 2012, (although come on; really? The world's going to end on 12/21/12? Doesn't that strike anybody as a really tidy date?) but it won't be much worse than the inevitable day in the future when, for each of us, our world really comes to an end. That is something that we can predict with 100% certainty.

Another prediction: tomorrow, January 1st 2009, we'll take a look at popular and fun doomsday scenarios that the whole family can enjoy, until then... Happy New Year! More Scotch for me!

This entry was posted by David Campbell, on Thursday, January 1, 2009. You can leave your response.